ASPEN—Local man Jeff Harrington expressed amazement Tuesday upon realizing that bird watching, his new hobby, does not require swiping his debit card. “I was stunned that I didn’t need to break out my plastic just to start watching crows,” said Harrington, visibly perplexed over the lack of expenditure.

Despite the no-cost nature, Harrington’s surprise deepened when he failed to find subscription services for viewership. “Apparently, the birds are available for free, no premium fee for hawks either,” he commented, noting it felt suspiciously un-American.

Friends say Harrington is now anxiously plotting his next venture: breathing without financial oversight. “I’m cautiously optimistic,” he said, while consulting his wallet for any potential oxygen service charges. Harrington was last seen clutching his debit card, hoping for a fee-discounted, contactless transaction with Mother Nature.