My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Shut up brain, I wasn’t even talking to me.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

“What’s wrong with you?” Right now or in general?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

We should thank heaven for nipples. Without them boobs would be pointless.