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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

One of the top features of squirrels, for me, has got to be that squirreliness.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

In an effort to keep the employees motivated and increase morale, my boss has asked me to stop talking to everyone.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Doesn’t matter, Your Honor! I, for one, found it very funny.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

Updated

4 hours ago

Users Online

3,439

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

Stop making Fast and Furious movies.

Spotted on Pinterest:

When people talk about enriching their lives, I assume they’ve found a way to add more cheese.

Making waves on Reddit:

I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

Just shared via Reddit:

My brain is 80% song lyrics.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

Making waves on Messenger:

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

Live now on WhatsApp:

The single star on Texas’ flag is actually a review.

Going viral on Threads:

Farting, but with eye contact.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

Making waves on Messenger:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.
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Commentary:
Looks like we've got a future food critic in the making – toothpaste reviews by day and snack critiques by night! Who knew that a kid's taste buds could be so discerning? Perhaps we should start a "Spice Level Ratings for Kids" chart to navigate the fine line between dental hygiene and fiery snacks!

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

Updated

4 hours ago

Users Online

3,428

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Me gasping and flipping off the vultures as they circle above the running track.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

“I have a date with destiny.” Yeah well, I’m in a long-term relationship with the consequences of my actions.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

My motivation and me: It’s complicated.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Sometimes I feel useless but then I remember I breath out carbon dioxide for plants.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

“You’re so quiet.” Thanks, I’m not comfortable around you.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Messenger:

I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Do you also watch porn until the end to see if they end up getting married?

Going viral on Twitch:

When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

Broadcasted on Discord:

If we hadn’t made them extinct, instead of Kung Fu Panda we could have had Tae Kwon Dodo.

Spotted on TikTok:

The void screams into me.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I always say “it’s so expensive” and then buy it nonetheless.

Making waves on YouTube:

Another fine day ruined by waking up.

Going viral on X:

I generally don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’m really good at it.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Just shared via Telegram:

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

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