PERTH—Researchers at the Institute of Sleep Studies announced Tuesday they have pinpointed the scientifically proven optimum duration for a snooze-button nap to be precisely 7 minutes and 32 seconds. “Our studies confirm that waking up after this sweet spot gives you a rejuvenated feeling and just enough guilt to really start your day,” lead researcher Dr. Graham Drowse confirmed.

Further findings suggest that naps exceeding this length trigger existential crises about productivity. “I woke up 8 minutes later,” one participant lamented, “and I was questioning my entire life, wondering if it was worth investing in lamb NFTs.”

The institute is now collaborating with alarm clock manufacturers. “Our goal is to revolutionize morning apathy,” Dr. Drowse announced. Manufacturers plan to embed the timer with an inspirational quote generator to gently rouse sleepers with affirmations like, ‘Even Einstein took naps.’