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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Why are those Mad Max guys always driving around, it’s not like there’s anywhere to go?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

I’m pretty sure emojis were invented so introverts don’t have to say anything to anyone.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,724

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

Trending via X:

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.

Going viral on YouTube:

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

Seen just now on Reddit:

I will never trust a cake transport box enough to just hold it by the handle.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

Going viral on Facebook:

People who remember to drink water, what’s that like?

Live now on WeChat:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.

2 weeks ago

Funny quote about hot coffee waking you up faster than drinking. Playful and witty text.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a fancy alarm clock when you have a scalding cup of coffee ready to jolt you awake! ☕️😳 Nothing quite gets the heart racing like the sensation of liquid fire on your lap… definitely a wake-up call you won't forget in a hurry! 😂"

caffeine, coffee, drinking, faster, hot, humor, irony, lap, morning, spill, wake

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Messenger this month:

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

28 shares on X this month:

I’ve got a neighbor who’s really into morons. I should introduce her to you guys.

83 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t always listen to Metallica, but when I do, so do my neighbors.

13 shares on X this month:

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

50 shares on Messenger this month:

Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

81 shares on WeChat this month:

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

Gonna close my bank account and keep all my money on me, like Sonic the Hedgehog.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

31 shares on YouTube this month:

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Accidentally used my real personality at work today… heading to HR now.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my casket and throw it in the crowd to see who next.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting emotional thinking about everything SpongeBob has been through and his resilience despite it all.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,640

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

“You let your cat on the bed?” I would put her on my life insurance.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

My advice to anyone with a job: be the last one in, the first one out, and do as little as possible while getting maximum pay.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

They say dress for the job you want, but this baby diaper isn’t very comfortable.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

Breaking via Messenger:

Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

Just landed via TikTok:

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but I hope life gets better for you.

Breaking via Pinterest:

People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I’ve still got it!

Shared recently on Instagram:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

Spotted on Discord:

I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

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