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First responders? You mean reply guys?

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Imagine you get to the gates of heaven and they make you download an app to go in.

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Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

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Youโ€™re mistaking me with someone whoโ€™s stupid.

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Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

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An introvert walked into a bar. Just kidding. The introvert stayed home.

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Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

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And now begins the yearly tradition of writing the incorrect year on everything, for the next 3 months.

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I’ve spent 80% of my adult life resetting my password.

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Whoever coined the term coined the term coined the term coined the term.

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The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

Commentary:
"Who needs wind turbines or solar panels when you have the incredible energy generated by a slamming car door? ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿš— Just make sure to stand back and watch the power of that slam! ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ˜†"



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