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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

What I’ve learned in all these years of marriage is how to open a bottle of beer silently.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

My boyfriend invited the neighbors over for dinner, “sometime,” so now we have to move.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

This year I’d like an advent calendar with 24 different tranquilizers.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

I’m the type of idiot to be loyal during the talking stage.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Microdosing hell by checking the web every day.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2017 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,179

Funny Quotes Topics

14,934

Funny Quotes Images

12,179

2 minutes ago

3,448

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

You’re not entertaining, you are exittaining.

Breaking via Slack:

Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’m not religious but I know there’s a hell because Monopoly exists.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I always tell my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If Monday were available for purchase at IKEA, it would be called “Fekking Hell”.

Shared recently on X:

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

Reported on Telegram:

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

Freshly posted on Slack:

My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

4 months ago

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

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Commentary:
"Embarking on a diet is like being a secret agent in a world full of tempting food spies 🕵️‍♀️🍔🕵️‍♂️! We are all just trying to dodge the sneak attacks of our cravings while pretending to be interested in what our friends are devouring 🤫🍕. Who knew that the real challenge was mastering the art of stealthy side-eyeing at delicious treats? #DietingDilemmas

diet, eat, food, humor, hunger, people, struggle, temptation, tough, watching

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2017 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,179

Funny Quotes Topics

14,934

Funny Quotes Images

12,179

2 minutes ago

3,428

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

The worst thing about having children is the parents of the other children.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Wake up, there’s overthinking to be done.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

I have a photographic memory, but I’ve run out of film.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

“I don’t do politics.” Politics will do you, my brother and sister. Politics will do you like mad.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

That beeping of the parking assistant when you get too close to other cars. I’d like that for people.

Spotted on WeChat:

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

Just shared via Twitch:

Hear me out. A waiting room where the doctors wait.

Spotted on Telegram:

There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

Seen just now on Slack:

To be blocked is to be seen and to be seen is to be loved.

Making waves on Pinterest:

You’re not entertaining, you are exittaining.

Reported on YouTube:

Hell, yes, I work out. Somebody has to support the ibuprofen industry.

Breaking via Messenger:

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

Seen just now on Reddit:

My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

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