Those who run away from me are afraid that they might confess their love to me.

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I’m really hoping money falls from the sky this week, or else I’m doomed.

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My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

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Please don’t celebrate April Fool’s day if you’re not a fool. My culture is not your costume.

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I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

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I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”

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When you say “You’re going to hate me for this,” you’re making a very large assumption that I don’t hate you already.

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Every year I realize how dumb I was a year ago.

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The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

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This year has been the perfect blend between me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

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He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.