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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Maybe the elephant doesn’t want to be addressed, and we should respect their boundaries.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

My parents told me I could be anything I wanted so I became unacceptable.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Apparently, “spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Does running away from my problems count as cardio?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,252

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

Everyone’s gangster until they use a pen that is satisfyingly smooth and fun to write with.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The most embarrassing thing in the world is when you make a fool of yourself in front of a baby and it doesn’t laugh.

Making waves on Reddit:

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Breaking via TikTok:

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

Broadcasted on Slack:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

Just landed via Threads:

By accepting their pardons, the turkeys are admitting guilt.

Going viral on Threads:

Jan 1st: Avocado on whole grain toast with a protein shake. Jan 20th: Syrup comes from a tree so technically it’s a vegetable.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Seen just now on Instagram:

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid people’s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

0
Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Dear lactose-intolerant heathen, it's time to embrace the dairy and join the milky way of life! 🥛🐄 Don't be cheese-ist, lactose is gouda for you! 😉"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Slack this month:

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

46 shares on X this month:

I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

40 shares on Messenger this month:

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

61 shares on Discord this month:

The rumors of my will to live have been greatly exaggerated.

59 shares on Slack this month:

The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

21 shares on Slack this month:

Long sandwiches should have suitcase handles.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Just blocked all the ugly people, so if you see this… what’s up, big sexy?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of writing letters, let’s wait a week before texting each other back so it still feels like it.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam, and they’re just using it to make TVs.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Would pay $10 a month for Summer Premium Package without wasps.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,372

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

It’s funny how everyone who was all about Christmas a week ago is suddenly into New Year’s now.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to get excited about going home.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

So I think the mammals have now ravaged this planet long enough. It’s time for the reptiles to take over again.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

I’m at the age where I’m more likely to fall asleep at the movie theater than get frisky in one.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

My comments on your home decor are not criticisms, they are deep concerns.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

Just shared via Reddit:

You should be allowed to go home early from work if you miss your dog a lot.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’m convinced a lot of people online are communicating from prison.

Breaking via Twitch:

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

Just landed via X:

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

Spotted on Facebook:

People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

Seen just now on X:

Worrying is just worshipping the problem.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

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