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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

You should be able to wash your hair and it stays washed. What do you mean I have to do it again?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Who called it a deep freeze instead of ice-o-lation?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

This year, the feliz is not navidading.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,574

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Just shared via Telegram:

Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

Making waves on YouTube:

The Bible is 100% accurate when thrown at close range.

Just shared via Telegram:

Why is sugar SO addictive, and broccoli is just like, “I’ll be here when you need me”

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

Shared recently on Slack:

I tried selling my soul to the devil, and he said no.

Making waves on Facebook:

The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I need a break from me.

Going viral on X:

When I was a kid I would say I’m whatever age and a half because I wanted to be older. Now I say I turned 40 a few years ago.

With great power comes the absolute certainty that you’ll turn into a right douche.

1 month ago

Witty quote about power turning you into a douchebag, humorous and playful in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic cautionary tale of power and douchery 🤣💪 Remember, with great power comes great responsibility… and the strong possibility of turning into a bit of a douchebag along the way! Proceed with caution, my powerful friends! 😉✨"

caution, certainty, douche, great, humor, irony, power, responsibility, right, transformation, turn

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

57 shares on WeChat this month:

Soccer: I love when they hold up the sign and a brand new, beautiful boy takes the place of a dirty, sweaty, ruined one.

68 shares on Reddit this month:

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

57 shares on Telegram this month:

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

37 shares on Instagram this month:

Toast doesn’t talk. How do you know it’s French?

90 shares on Facebook this month:

How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

50 shares on Threads this month:

Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

There are some websites where my password management strategy is to just hit “Forgot my password” every time I need to log in.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting emotional thinking about everything SpongeBob has been through and his resilience despite it all.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Sleep well, middle finger—you’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was a Spice Girl I would be Mild to Medium Spice.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,575

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

The older I get, the more I lose my looks. But I’m also losing my eyesight, so it’s not my problem.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

I wonder how biology explains that pain in your chest you get when you found out your partner cheated on you.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Never quit, unless it’s too hard.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

I hate when I’m trying to spell a word, and my phone can’t do it either.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

If ads were a person, it would be that one neighbor who won’t stop talking to you at the most inconvenient of times.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

Live now on YouTube:

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

Live now on Snapchat:

After overthinking about it for 6 hours, I have decided that it’s actually not that big of a deal.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I’m a go with the flow kind of gal unless the flow is after 9pm or involves parallel parking.

Spotted on Instagram:

I am half agony, half hope.

Going viral on WeChat:

The real threat to Democracy is the Bureaucracy.

Making waves on Threads:

“Because my hair is not done” is a very valid reason to decline an outing.

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