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There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

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The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

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Abandoned amusement parks are so creepy. It’s no wonder they were abandoned.

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Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

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I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

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Technically, all the money I have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

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I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

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All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

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I keep my mind active by worrying.

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I embarrass myself in front of myself.

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Yes, Iโ€™ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

Yes, Iโ€™ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

Commentary:
"Sorry, I'm on a strict 'No Thanks, I'm Full' diet ๐Ÿ”๐Ÿ˜‚ Who knew being irresistibly attractive could be such a hassle? #ThickThighsSaveLives"



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