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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡³ has shared:

Why the hell is my laundry bin always full? I’m not even going anywhere.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡° has shared:

Ok, I cheated in school, but I did it the hard way and without AI.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

I’m a fully functional adult with the energy levels of a hibernating bear.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡± has viewed:

Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles. God: You just have to empty the dishwasher.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡² has viewed:

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡― has bookmarked:

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¬ has shared:

I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡½ has copied:

Things were better when the computer lived in its own specific room, and you only went in there sometimes.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡» has shared:

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,586

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Seen just now on Slack:

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

Trending via Threads:

Wearing a condom while she’s on birth control is called two-factor authentication.

Shared recently on Threads:

Everyone’s gangsta until they spot a double rainbow in the sky.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Roses are red. Bumble bees buzz. This rhyme doesn’t rhyme. No, wait, yes it does.

Shared recently on Slack:

I still haven’t heard one good argument why I should stop believing in Santa.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

Trending via WeChat:

French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Can we call situationships ‘affairs’ again? It sounds more adult and less desperate.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

So many people to disappoint, so little time.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.

All I do is go to work, come home, blink and suddenly I’m back at work.

Witty text about the endless cycle of work and home life, humorous and relatable.
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Commentary:
"Life of a perpetual work warrior be like: βš™οΈπŸ πŸ‘€πŸ”„ Can we please add a few more blinks of fun and leisure in between, pretty please? πŸ˜…πŸ’ΌπŸ’€"

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Telegram this month:

When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.

11 shares on Discord this month:

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

29 shares on TikTok this month:

Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, β€œI love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, β€œTurn left.”

21 shares on Threads this month:

The holidays may be over by my work ethic is still out of the office.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

Feeling feral. Better make some mac and cheese.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

25 shares on Discord this month:

Watching “Dirty Dancing” as a teenager: Damn right, no one puts Baby in a corner. Watching “Dirty Dancing” as an adult: This girl is a brat and needs a lesson.

16 shares on Reddit this month:

Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

47 shares on Facebook this month:

WW3 is either gonna happen so fast you sleep through it, or it’s gonna last for the rest of your life.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Mornings would be fine if they started later.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

“Bye, have a great day, I’ll see you after school”, I tell the orange in my kid’s lunch.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then you love a boomerang.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,691

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡Ώ has downloaded:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡· has viewed:

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ό has shared:

The way Adele works for 6 months and then disappears for 7 years is very much the work-life balance I’m all about.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡· has copied:

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡² has viewed:

Why does the dentist have to take an x-ray of my teeth? They right there, bro!

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡° has copied:

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Someone from πŸ‡ΎπŸ‡ͺ has shared:

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡² has downloaded:

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

Prior to the arrival of Paper and Scissors, Rock faced no competition.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Trending via YouTube:

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

Spotted on YouTube:

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

Live now on X:

At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

Seen just now on Discord:

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Don’t cry because it’s over. Cry because you have an extra hour to think about it.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Don’t give up on your dreams. Go back to bed.

Going viral on X:

Being an adult is mumbling ‘this is stupid’ as you reluctantly slide out of bed.

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