One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

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You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

If you collect the crumbs from one Nature Valley granola bar, you can make three more granola bars.

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Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

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JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

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I’m glad it’s not snowing. I can’t imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

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No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

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I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

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80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

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The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

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People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.