A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

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People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

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One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

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Your favorite little ball of silliness has logged in.

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If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

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Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

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Іf Empire Strikes Back isn’t a Christmas movie, then why is there so much snow in it?

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Mister Sandman, bring me a meme. Make it the dumbest shit that I’ve ever seen.

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There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

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More foods should have boats, why should gravy have all the fun?

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I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.