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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Little do my friends know they’re healing me every time we hang out.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick one person you hate, and blame them for everything.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Cheeseburgers should be free for anyone that’s in a bad mood.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

When you get angry, take a breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. Nobody expects that.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

You’d be surprised how many times you can use the word succulent in a work email.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,386

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

Seen just now on X:

Perfume is designed to be an invisible accessory. It’s not designed to instantly kill the canary when you entered the room.

Making waves on Facebook:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Going viral on Discord:

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Going viral on Threads:

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

Trending via Reddit:

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

Just landed via Facebook:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Just shared via X:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

Just landed via X:

My therapist says he can’t take any more of my talk and that I should join a group. So, here I am.

Going viral on TikTok:

My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

0
A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
😂 "Ah, the irony of needing the Heimlich Maneuver while struggling to say 'Heimlich'! Talk about a tongue-twister in a moment of distress. Say 'Heimlich' five times fast before breakfast to prepare yourself – you never know when you might need it! 🤣"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t understand my wardrobe. It’s full, but I don’t have clothes.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

11 shares on Discord this month:

The older I get, the more I understand why people live in the woods and talk to squirrels.

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I need someone to peer pressure me into doing things.

61 shares on Reddit this month:

If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.

71 shares on X this month:

Your Honor, that doesn’t sound like me.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

If rich people aren’t upset after an election, then we have failed.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t invite me if there’s nowhere to sit down.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

When you’re over 40 and a part of your body starts hurting for no reason that is nature sending a “what ya doing?” text.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t scare me; you’re not my credit card bill.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,697

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Everybody looks sexier when they are happy.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

You ever been in the middle of a conversation and realized this is why you avoid people?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

I tried selling my soul to the devil, and he said no.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24. I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

Spotted on Instagram:

This Dollar Tree energy drink has me seeing colors that aren’t available to the naked eye, yet.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

In marriage, whoever has the cooler last name gets to continue their legacy. Reject tradition.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Keeping a picture of my bed in a locket around my neck and staring at it longingly on my lunch break.

Breaking via Facebook:

I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

Just landed via Instagram:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

They should make a drug that recreates the feeling of having your number called earlier than expected.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Best time to reach me is when I’m at work. Don’t bother me when I’m at home.

Spotted on Twitch:

My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?” And I told him, “No, it doesn’t.”

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