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Commentary:
"Before I start fixing myself, does anyone actually enjoy me in my chaotic, unhinged glory? 🤪🔧 Maybe I should just embrace the madness and run with it! Who needs self-improvement anyway? 🤷‍♂️😂"

before, humor, i, me, myself, relationship, self-improvement, unhinged, work

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68 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t have a welcome mat at my front door because I’m not a liar.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love to watch the enthusiasm of new coworkers, and then their inevitable slow descent into not giving a damn.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

I need a weighted blanket that won’t let me get out of bed in the morning.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

82 shares on X this month:

During arguments with idiots, I wish I could throw a flash bang and disappear.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

97 shares on Threads this month:

No thanks, I’m already in a committed relationship with reading.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

48 shares on WeChat this month:

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I need a long hot meteor shower.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Me liking your post is the equivalent of an angel kissing your forehead.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Call your family now and ask them what the wifi password is, so they have time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

If I was pregnant and people asked when I was due, I would say “What do you mean?”

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.

Seen just now on X:

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

Trending via Discord:

One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

Breaking via Slack:

Sorry for being socially awkward. It’s just that I’m socially awkward.

Going viral on Slack:

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

Going viral on Telegram:

Life hack: You don’t need white noise to sleep when you have constant ringing in your ears.

Going viral on WeChat:

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

Just shared via Slack:

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

Going viral on Threads:

Twitter is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

Keep the laugh going 😂

After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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