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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

I wish there were an option to turn off the Wi-Fi connection for WhatsApp only.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Always be kind. You never know who has a pool.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

I’d pretend to care about football for you.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Took a good look at my finances. I won’t make that mistake again.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Walking on egg shells? In this economy?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

763 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,925

Funny Quotes Topics

13,894

Funny Quotes Images

10,925

Updated

26 minutes ago

Users Online

3,439

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on TikTok:

What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

Spotted on Discord:

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

Spotted on YouTube:

Sometimes I sneeze so loud and hard I think I’m a dad.

Making waves on Telegram:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Spotted on Slack:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.
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Commentary:
Ah, elections – the ultimate family drama on a national scale! 🤣 It's like we're all caught in the crossfire of a messy breakup, anxiously waiting to see who ends up with custody of our future. 🗳️💔 Let's just hope they don't make us choose between weekends and holidays! #ElectionDrama #CustodyBattle

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

763 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,925

Funny Quotes Topics

13,894

Funny Quotes Images

10,925

Updated

26 minutes ago

Users Online

3,434

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this cigarette just now.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Leggings: elegant for some, elephant for others.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Spice up your anxiety attack by playing the Jaws theme song.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

Just shared via Telegram:

Sure I collect antiques, if you count the late-century spices in my pantry.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Losing weight in your 40’s: LOL!

Live now on WhatsApp:

I have now learned the moonwalk. It’s visually the coolest way to get fresh dog poop off the soles of your shoes.

Going viral on X:

I think carefully about what I’m going to say and I still manage to say the wrong thing. It’s truly a gift I have.

Going viral on YouTube:

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

Just shared via Telegram:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

Live now on Discord:

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

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