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Doctors who give out lollipops really treat their patients.
The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it's too late for them to back out.
I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?
In an effort to demonstrate how pointless internet debates are, please prove to me that snow is real.
The only thing we need to bring back is duels.
I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it.
Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars."
I had the most impatient and rudest cashier. I’m never using self-checkout again.
I've never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it's called.
I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.