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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don’t solve the mystery at the end.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Floppy disks are like Jesus. They died to become the icon of saving.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,700

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

This summer went by so fast, I didn’t even get a chance to lose any weight.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

Trending via Threads:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Trending via Instagram:

In the baking aisle, booing everyone buying imitation vanilla extract.

Live now on Telegram:

Not opening up anymore, have fun trying to figure me out.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

Live now on Threads:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

Trending via WeChat:

I am officially at the age where old people think I am young and young people think I am old.

Funny brain damage quotes

Funny brain damage quotes 🧠😂 bring a lighthearted twist to serious moments, turning confusion into comedy! Whether you’re looking to laugh at life’s quirks or brighten someone’s day with a clever spin, these witty lines add humor to the unexpected. Get ready to smile, giggle, and maybe even snort as we explore the funniest takes on brain fog and quirky mishaps! 🎉🤣 #LaughItOff #BrainyHumor

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All funny brain damage quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The Wi-Fi stops working for 2 minutes, and suddenly I start thinking about life.

87 shares on Pinterest this month:

Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.

68 shares on YouTube this month:

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

90 shares on X this month:

Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

82 shares on Reddit this month:

Never trust a wet fart.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

Is it healthier to drink tap water and let the fluoride calcify my pineal gland or drink bottled spring water and let micro plastics settle in my balls?

27 shares on Telegram this month:

They should invent a weekend that goes by slowly.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody is meaner to me than me. So take your shot.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,677

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Paw Patrol is just annoying. Exactly how long do dogs live again on average?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Remembering my youth, and a time where I could breath out of more than one nostril at once.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Nothing more humiliating than sending a text message with a picture and the picture doesn’t send for ages and now you’ve said something sooo odd out of context.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Venn diagrams. You either love ‘em or you hate ‘em. Or you’re somewhere in the middle.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

I did not spend years turning the faucet off while I brushed my teeth, so corporations could ruin the environment with festering AI slop.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

“You handled that with such grace” are words that have never been spoken to me.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

Shared recently on WeChat:

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

Just shared via X:

It’s funny how sometimes you buy a book, then read it in two days, and sometimes you buy a book, and it lives on your bookshelf for 12 years.

Just landed via Telegram:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

Trending via Telegram:

Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

Just shared via Snapchat:

I hate when I finish a show and don’t know what to do with my life.

Going bananas on Discord:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

Trending via Telegram:

I only drink when I people.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

Spotted on Twitch:

No, I don’t want to read the article first, I want to argue now.

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