Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

Commentary:
Ah, the magical transformative powers of a good hair wash! 💆‍♀️💕 Who knew that clean hair held the key to unlocking love and being loved? 😂 Your radiance now shines from your freshly washed locks, attracting all the love and positive energy your way! 🌟 Embrace this newfound love-ready persona and let your hair flow freely in the wind of romance! 💖💇‍♀️

If you love someone, let them sleep.

If you love someone, let them sleep.

Commentary:
"Remember, true love means supporting their 'five more minutes' requests with enthusiasm! 💤❤️ After all, a well-rested partner is a happy partner – and a happy partner is more likely to share the covers! 😜🛌"

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Commentary:
"Apparently, my children have a secret agreement with Time itself – the more rushed we are, the more interested they become in personal hygiene 🕒🚿 #RunningLateStruggles #ParentingLife"

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you're about to run out.

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they've given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

Commentary:
"Who knew pet insurance came with a 'pawsome' bonus? 🤣🐾 It's like a 'poo-dle' of fun while your dachshund gets pampered at the vet! Talk about a 'fetching' deal! 🐩 #PetInsurancePerks"

I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.

I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.

Commentary:
"Who needs a drug mule when you can have a majestic drug unicorn prancing through the underground world like a sparkly harbinger of illegal substances? 🌈🦄 Just imagine the glittery trail it leaves behind as it delivers its magical payloads. Move over, mules, it's all about the fabulous unicorns now!"

Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

Commentary:
"Ah, the ultimate betrayal in the eyes of our loyal furry friends! 🐶💦It's all fun and games until the bath comes out, then suddenly we become the villain in their eyes! 😂 #DoggyDrama"

Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

Commentary:
Toddlers and puppies: masters of mess-making and trash can treasure hunting 🚮🐶 At least with puppies, you can blame it on their sense of smell!

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

Commentary:
Ah, the classic last-minute flossing strategy – a true dental exam cram session! 🦷📚 Don't worry, your gums won't spill the beans to your dentist…hopefully! 😉 #FlossingProcrastination

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

Commentary:
"Who knew a house plant could be the ultimate hydration buddy! 🌿💧 Here's to ensuring there's always someone wilting more than you! 😂 #PlantParent"