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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

809 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,971

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,971

8 minutes ago

3,450

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Wanna come over and see my mis-matched sock collection?

Spotted on YouTube:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

Trending via Slack:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My recliner and I go way back.

Going viral on Discord:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I leave the blue tick on WhatsApp so that people can see exactly when I wasn’t interested.

Going viral on YouTube:

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

Reported on Pinterest:

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

Home » Funny Control Quotes » Page 4

37 Funny control quotes

More funny control quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

Commentary:
"Looks like even fate itself couldn't get you out of that Monday morning meeting! 🤣 #BlameItOnTheUniverse #WorkLifeWoahs"
6 months ago
Share →: I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

Commentary:
"Apologies in advance for my 'creative' vocabulary when stuck in traffic caused by my love for hitting snooze ⏰🤭 #RunningLateAntics"
6 months ago
Share →: Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Commentary:
"Ah, the timeless art of procrastination! 😄 Why be early when you can make a stylish entrance, right? ⏰🕰️ Just blame it on the 'foreseen circumstances' – aka hitting the snooze button a few too many times! 🛌💤 #FashionablyLate"
6 months ago
Share →: There are days when trying to control your class is like trying to hug a tornado.

Commentary:
Trying to control a class full of energetic students can feel like attempting to hug a tornado 🌪️💨 – you're just left spinning in circles wondering what just happened! It's a whirlwind of chaos and excitement all rolled into one lesson plan!
6 months ago
Share →: As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

Commentary:
"When it comes to being flexible, I'm as bendy as a brick wall 🧘‍♂️💁‍♂️. As long as I get my way, I'm willing to contort myself into any shape necessary! #FlexibilityGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

Commentary:
"Remember, you hold the keys to your own sanity 🗝️ Keep those keys hidden like they're a winning lottery ticket to avoid craziness winding up in your passenger seat! 🚗😜"
6 months ago
Share →: Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Commentary:
"Who needs the sun to dictate our schedule when we have blackout curtains? 😎⏰ No sunlight, no problem! The power of sleep and darkness compels us! 😂🌚 #SleepGoals"

For even more funny control quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

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New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

809 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,971

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,971

8 minutes ago

3,438

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

What do you mean I overthink things (as I wonder if I hurt my dog’s feelings by liking cat videos on Instagram)?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

76% of pardoned turkeys end up back in the system.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

The gothic urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a terrifying backstory.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Go outside and let the rain do what your boyfriend can’t.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I need a chiropractor for my brain.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Just shared via X:

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

Making waves on Instagram:

Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

Making waves on X:

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Way too many low IQ conspiracy theories floating around. Give me high IQ conspiracy theories.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’m opening a secret ice cream club called The Inside Scoop.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Breaking via X:

My friend’s kid asked me if I had any games on phone so I let her text my ex.

Shared recently on Threads:

Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

Live now on Telegram:

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

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