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Funny cult quotes

  • Considering joining a cult just for the subsidized housing.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a mortgage when you can have a cult-age? 🏠🤣 Joining for the subsidized housing seems like a pretty solid deal! Just make sure they have good Wi-Fi too. 📶😄”

  • How do I get recruited by a cult? I need some direction in my life.

    Commentary:
    “Joining a cult, huh? Just remember, if the recruiter starts offering you Kool-Aid, maybe consider running in the other direction 🏃‍♂️💨. But hey, at least you’ll never have to worry about making decisions again… #cultlife 🤪🔮”

  • Any cults got something wild planned anytime soon? I’m trying to find the good estate sales.

    Commentary:
    “Looking for some killer deals, huh? Better watch out for those cults, they might have some ‘killer’ estate sales planned! 👀💰 Just make sure you don’t accidentally sign up for their next pyramid scheme… or pyramid tomb? 🏛️😂 #EstateSaleGoals”

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