66 Funny doctor quotes

• My doctor told me I should try anger management classes, and I’m still really pissed at him about it.

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  7 days ago

  anger, anger management, class, doctor, frustration, humor, i, management, me, pissed, should, still, told, try

• Doc, if I can vibecode anything and everyone else can vibecode anything, then what’s my competitive advantage?

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  7 days ago

  advantage, anything, coding, competition, competitive, competitive advantage, Doc, doctor, else, everyone, humor, i, question, technology, vibecode

• Asking doctors about nutrition is like asking software engineers about printers, they really have no idea.

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  1 week ago

  advice, asking, comparison, doctor, doctors, engineer, humor, idea, medical, medical advice, nutrition, printer, printers, software, software engineer, technology

• I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

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  1 week ago

  age, asked, beauty, beauty treatment, Botox, cosmetic, cosmetic procedure, doctor, girls, got, humor, i, joke, just, look younger, me, procedure, skincare, treatment, younger, zero

• My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

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  1 week ago

  anxiety, constipation, diagnosis, doctor, humor, joke, just, me, medical, medical joke, wordplay, worry

• They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

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  1 week ago

  apple, avoidance, away, day, doctor, eat, eating, everyone, food, health, humor, i, interaction, joke, keep, keeps, need, say, social, social interaction

• “You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

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  1 week ago

  auto, auto mechanic, car, car repair, cardiologist, doctor, fancy, funny question, humor, joke, mechanic, medical, name, profession, question, repair

• I said when I retire, I would travel. I just didn’t expect it to be to the doctors.

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  1 week ago

  appointment, doctor, doctors, humor, i, just, medical, medical appointment, retire, retirement, said, travel, trip, unexpected, unexpected trip

• Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

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  1 week ago

  advice, big, change, decades, doctor, drinking, going, health, humor, i, long-term, me, routine, sobriety, stop

• Has anyone ever considered that Dr. Pepper could be a gynecologist?

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  1 week ago

  anyone, doctor, drinking, ever, gynecologist, humor, pepper, puns, wordplay

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