Funny Doctor Quotes That Will Have You Laughing Through Your Checkup! 🩺😂

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

3 months ago2 months ago

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

3 months ago2 months ago

My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.

3 months ago2 months ago

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

3 months ago2 months ago

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

3 months ago2 months ago

Hear me out. A waiting room where the doctors wait.

3 months ago2 months ago

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

4 months ago2 months ago

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

4 months ago2 months ago

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

5 months ago2 months ago

My doctor told me to try a milk bath. Adding the Cinnamon Toast Crunch was my idea.

5 months ago2 months ago

Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

5 months ago2 months ago

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

5 months ago2 months ago

My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

5 months ago2 months ago

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

5 months ago2 months ago

Seen an ambulance at the hospital. I hope the doctors are okay.

5 months ago2 months ago

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

6 months ago2 months ago

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

May 20, 20242 months ago

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Oct 20, 20232 months ago

Saw the eye doctor, and that’s 90% of the vision test right there.

Oct 15, 20232 months ago

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

Oct 9, 20232 months ago

Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

Oct 6, 2023Oct 6, 2023

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Oct 3, 2023Oct 3, 2023

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

Sep 25, 2023Sep 25, 2023

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

Sep 22, 2023Sep 23, 2023

My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.

Sep 22, 20232 months ago