37 funny apple quotes - Wordgag

I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

May 30, 2026

Dear Apple, at no point will I ever text someone “he’ll yeah” ..

May 30, 2026

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

May 30, 2026

Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life.

May 30, 2026

Apple’s secret growth engine: vibe coders paying the $99 Apple Developer Program fee.

May 29, 2026

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

May 29, 2026

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

May 28, 2026

Steve Jobs was a vibe coder. He just prompted Steve Wozniak.

May 28, 2026

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

May 28, 2026

Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.

May 28, 2026

We need a Disney princess who’s a greedy profiteer, so we can cheer for the poison apple.

May 27, 2026

Women are like apples; I like biting them.

May 27, 2026

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

May 26, 2026

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

May 26, 2026

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

May 26, 2026

All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.

May 26, 2026

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

May 26, 2026

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

May 26, 2026

I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.

May 25, 2026

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

May 25, 2026

An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but some silly a day keeps the boredom at bay.

May 25, 2026

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

May 25, 2026

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

May 24, 2026

“Apple Music has better sound quality!” Okay, but my entire life is on Spotify, my playlists are my children.

May 24, 2026

I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever their profession.

May 24, 2026

If I was Snow White, you wouldn’t get me with an apple. You’d have to poison a taco or something.

May 23, 2026

Apple, who gives you permission to turn the brightness down again when I’ve just turned it up?

May 23, 2026

You want me to go apple picking? The original sin?

May 23, 2026

Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.

May 23, 2026

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

May 23, 2026

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

May 22, 2026

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

May 22, 2026

I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

May 22, 2026

See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.

May 22, 2026

Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

May 22, 2026

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

May 22, 2026

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

May 19, 2026