My life coach told me I didn't make the team.

My life coach told me I didn’t make the team.

Commentary:
Well, who needs a life coach when you've got rejection coming at you left and right? 🤷‍♂️ Looks like even the team didn't want you, but hey, at least you have a great sense of humor to fall back on! 😉 Just think of it as an opportunity to excel in solo sports like napping or Netflix marathons. 🏆 Keep that chin up, champ!

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

Commentary:
"Being afraid of failure and lacking motivation – it's like having a GPS but being too scared to hit 'start' on the journey! 🤷‍♂️ Don't worry, failure is just the universe redirecting you to success… with a few detours! 🚗💨"

“You win some. You lose some.” Me, after losing for the millionth time in a row.

“You win some. You lose some.” Me, after losing for the millionth time in a row.

Commentary:
"Looks like you've mastered the art of losing gracefully! 🤷‍♂️ Don't worry, they say practice makes perfect right? Or maybe it's just a great excuse to treat yourself to some ice cream 🍦 Keep your head up, champ! 🏆 #ProfessionalLoser"

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Commentary:
Trying to recover from a botched high five is like trying to un-send a risky text message… it's just awkward city, population: you and your flailing hand 🤦‍♂️🤝 Don't worry, we've all been there!

There's nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive quest for the perfect nap… A battle often fought, but not always won. 😴😩 Keep fighting the good fight, my fellow nap warriors! One day, victory shall be ours… or maybe just a really good nap. 💤😂"

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

Commentary:
"Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else's microwave, then suddenly it's a kitchen version of a Rubik's cube 🧐🤔🔥 Don't underestimate the complexity of reheating leftovers in foreign territory! 😂🍲🕒"

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

Commentary:
"Some people seem to defy all odds by successfully navigating life with minimal brain function 🧠🤪 Here's to the walking reminders that stupidity knows no bounds! 🙃😜"

I failed as a person; I'm a dinosaur now.

I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

Commentary:
"Failed as a person, huh? Time to embrace your inner dinosaur 🦖! Don't worry, you're vintage, not extinct. Just remember to roar louder and stand taller. Who needs to adult when you've got prehistoric vibes? 🌿🦕 #DinoLife"

If at first you don't succeed, it's only attempted murder.

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Commentary:
"If at first you don't succeed, it's only attempted murder… of your goals! 🔪🙅‍♂️ Keep pursuing success with determination, not crime! 💪😂"

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

Commentary:
"Who needs resolutions and commandments when you've got charm and wit? 😏 It's all about living on the edge and breaking the rules with style! 😜🔥 #RebelWithACause"