68 Funny gift quotes

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  3 weeks ago

  View →: Getting my next boyfriend a flip phone. He doesn’t need anything more.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: That “meeting canceled” ping is a gift from the Gods.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.
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  1 month ago

  View →: I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.
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  2 months ago

  View →: If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.
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  3 months ago

  View →: Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.
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  3 months ago

  View →: Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.
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  3 months ago

  View →: Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.
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  3 months ago

  View →: My problem with Christmas shopping is that I keep seeing things that I like… for me.
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  3 months ago

  View →: Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?
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  4 months ago

  View →: For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.
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  4 months ago

  View →: My love language is being sent money.
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  4 months ago

  View →: She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Don’t buy me flowers. A bouquet of KitKats will suffice.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Can’t wait for my husband to see what he bought everyone for Christmas.
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  4 months ago

  View →: This Christmas, get her the gift that’ll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Me, unwrapping a gift: Oh wow, an item. I love these!
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  4 months ago

  View →: Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.
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  4 months ago

  View →: You’re either really good at wrapping presents or you’re really beautiful and funny. It’s one or the other.
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  4 months ago

  View →: When I say I’m Christmas shopping the “for myself” is silent.
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  4 months ago

  View →: ‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.
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  4 months ago

  View →: If cats could send Christmas cards, they wouldn’t.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I’ve decided to give people an attitude instead of gifts this year.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”
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  4 months ago

  View →: Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting a hug for Christmas.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Santa baby, slip some mental stability under the tree, for me.
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  4 months ago

  View →: An Advent Calendar for adults but behind every door is a different kind of anxiety medication.

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