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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Hello, my voicemail is currently unavailable. To leave a message please speak slowly and clearly into the nearest toaster.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Touch my butt, not my coffee.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Hey (with the intention of going to sleep).

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2320 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,482

Funny Quotes Topics

15,188

Funny Quotes Images

12,482

6 minutes ago

3,463

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

It’s crazy that you don’t really argue with a baby for the first year of its life and then you have to argue with the baby every day.

Seen just now on Threads:

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

Spotted on Facebook:

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

Just landed via Discord:

Maybe I prefer my ducks scattered about.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I was going to do some yoga today, but had a donut instead.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Growing up means choosing cozy couch moments over crowded club scenes. Cheers to adulting!

Going viral on Discord:

The internal struggle between wanting to be productive and just wanting to nap all day.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.

Trending via Messenger:

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

Home » Funny Holiday Quotes » Page 14

135 Funny holiday quotes

More funny holiday quotes 👇

Jan 21, 2025
Share →: For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

Commentary:
"Who needs deep conversations when you've got a bottle to pour out all your woes? 🍷 Thanksgiving goals: keep the wine flowing and the questions to a minimum! 😂 #CheersToAvoidingAwkwardChats"
Jan 20, 2025
Share →: Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

Commentary:
"🎅🎄 Checking your elf is the ultimate holiday to-do list item! 📋 Don't let an elf oversight cause a shelf catastrophe – the stakes are high in Shelf Management this Christmas season! 🧝🧐 #ElfOnTheShelf #HolidayPrep"
Jan 20, 2025
Share →: Holiday dinners with family are like real life boss levels with the worst loot.

Commentary:
"Ah, holiday dinners with family: where the food is good, the arguments are better, and the loot is… well, let's just say you're better off salvaging scraps from a level 1 goblin 😂🍗👪💰 #NotAllTreasuresAreGold"
Jan 20, 2025
Share →: No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

Commentary:
Ah, the timeless joy of transforming an innocent Christmas wrapping tube into a weapon of playful retaliation! 🎄💢 Who knew that a simple cardboard tube could evoke such mischief and laughter, regardless of age? Watch out, as the battle of the holiday tube warriors commences! 🎁🤺 Remember, it's all fun and games until someone gets bonked on the head with festive spirit! 😉
Jan 20, 2025
Share →: I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

Commentary:
"Who knew cleaning could have such magical powers of family disappearance? 😂🏡✨ Looks like the backyard is the new family hangout spot! #ThanksgivingEscapePlan"

For even more funny holiday quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny holiday quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2320 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,482

Funny Quotes Topics

15,188

Funny Quotes Images

12,482

6 minutes ago

3,448

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

People who work in retail should be allowed to slap a customer or two each Christmas, as a little treat.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

The horror: “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I am thinking of watching a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Shout-out to the lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my Speedo.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Why is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

It’s almost time to pack away the black summer clothes and unpack the black winter clothes.

Shared recently on Threads:

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

Spotted on Reddit:

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

Just landed via X:

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

Making waves on WeChat:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Reported on Facebook:

People ask you, “are you crazy”, and then get scared when you answer, “yes”.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

Making waves on YouTube:

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

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