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76 Funny kid quotes

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

3 months ago

The ways printers are like kids: Need feeding, are noisy and can’t function when offline.

3 months ago

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”

3 months ago

The main difference between my dog and my kid is my dog responds to her name being called.

3 months ago

See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.

3 months ago

The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.

3 months ago

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

3 months ago

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

3 months ago

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

3 months ago

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

3 months ago

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

3 months ago

Welcome to your 40’s: See that kid dressed up like a cop? He is a cop.

3 months ago

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

3 months ago

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

3 months ago

Some parents are blessed with amazing kids and others have kids that decide to learn the trumpet.

3 months ago

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

3 months ago

If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

3 months ago

One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

3 months ago

Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

3 months ago

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

3 months ago