151 funny kid quotes - Page 4 - Wordgag

None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

Mar 31, 2026

Kids don’t love anything as much as they love arguing with each other.

Mar 30, 2026

I miss being a kid. Nobody asks what my favorite dinosaur is anymore.

Mar 30, 2026

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

Mar 30, 2026

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

Mar 30, 2026

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

Mar 30, 2026

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

Mar 30, 2026

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

Mar 30, 2026

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

Mar 30, 2026

The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

Mar 30, 2026

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

Mar 30, 2026

Can I get back all those naps I refused to take as a kid? I could really use them now.

Mar 29, 2026

I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

Mar 29, 2026

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

Mar 29, 2026

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

Mar 29, 2026

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

Mar 29, 2026

I don’t like this new trend of old people wearing shirts of bands I listened to when I was a kid.

Mar 29, 2026

Little kid on the plane to Boston says “do they speak English there?” and his mom says “kinda!”

Mar 29, 2026

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

Mar 28, 2026

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

Mar 28, 2026

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Mar 28, 2026

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Mar 28, 2026

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

Mar 28, 2026

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Mar 28, 2026

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

Mar 28, 2026

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Mar 28, 2026

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Mar 28, 2026

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

Mar 28, 2026

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

Mar 28, 2026

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

Mar 28, 2026

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Mar 28, 2026