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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

I wanted to sleep it off, but insomnia said, “Not tonight, buddy.”

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

I’ll marry the person who can go to a family event with me and still like me afterward.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Day 12 without chocolate: Lost all hearing in my left eye.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

They should invent a second airport for people who have been in public before.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,272

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

Seen just now on WeChat:

The smarter you are, the more important it is for you to figure out how to think less.

Making waves on Messenger:

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

Trending via LinkedIn:

You can recognize working-class kids by the fact that they hang their jacket over the chair in the restaurant and not on the coat hook.

Trending via Discord:

My lip gloss used to be poppin’, now it’s my knees.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Just shared via Reddit:

“That’s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.

Just landed via Telegram:

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

Just landed via WeChat:

If only vehicles could be equipped with little blinky lights on the corners to alert other drivers the direction they wished to turn.

Going bananas on X:

You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

Funny offense quotes

Funny offense quotes are the perfect way to turn awkward moments into laughter 😄🔥 Whether you’re poking fun at misunderstandings or tackling sensitive topics with a wink 😉, these clever lines keep the vibe light and entertaining. Ready to laugh off the tension and enjoy some cheeky humor? Let’s dive into the world of witty comebacks and playful jabs that never take things too seriously! 🎉💬

New funny offense quotes 👇

All funny offense quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m so single right now, I can’t even spell relayshaunship.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.

32 shares on WeChat this month:

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

11 shares on Twitch this month:

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s almost impossible to talk to a girl without flirting with her.

52 shares on YouTube this month:

Wolves should really raise more people.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

Shout out to the dude who flipped me off in traffic. Making me feel all nostalgic for California, thank you.

89 shares on X this month:

I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nothing makes me feel more powerful than when I write ‘furthermore’ in an email.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I have to remind myself to put down my iPhone, go outside, and judge people in person.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I just start doing the Macarena when I want to end conversations now.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Occupation: the ugly friend!

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Everybody hates me for being a beautiful angel with a perfect soul.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The sexual tension between me and vanishing without context is insane.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Your birthday as an adult mainly consists of texting back ‘Thanks!’ to people you haven’t talked to in 5 years.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,349

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I stay up late every night, regret it in the morning, and the next day I do it all over again.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Hey babe, wanna come over and fold me like a fitted sheet?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

A little friendly reminder that if somebody looks tired, you really don’t have to tell them.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Making waves on WeChat:

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Establish dominance over your children by whining louder.

Just shared via Messenger:

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

Shared recently on Twitch:

They should invent someone who holds me.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

Trending via Threads:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

Making waves on TikTok:

You may think no one is there for you, but there’s laundry. Laundry is always there for you.

Spotted on Messenger:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

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