Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

Commentary:
"From standing out in a crowd to blending in at dull meetings – who knew adulting came with such plot twists? 🤷‍♂️ At least you can brag about your versatility, right?"
6 months ago
Share →: If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Commentary:
"If at first you don't succeed, it's only attempted murder… of your goals! 🔪🙅‍♂️ Keep pursuing success with determination, not crime! 💪😂"
6 months ago
Share →: I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

Commentary:
"Who needs fancy diet plans when you've got the 'broke until payday' regime! 🤑🥗 It's the ultimate test of willpower and budgeting skills. Just remember, you're not hungry, you're just financially disciplined! 😂💸 #DietGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Commentary:
"Imagine politicians being chosen like winning lottery numbers – 'And the lucky representative for District 10 is… 42!' 🎲🎉 Who needs campaign promises when you have lady luck on your side? #RandomSelectionForPresidentialElection"
6 months ago
Share →: I’m really glad that light only attracts insects. Imagine wild boars would come knocking at your windows all the time.

Commentary:
"Thank goodness for light's selective seduction skills! Can you imagine the chaos of having boars trying to RSVP to your next dinner party through the windows? 🐷🕯️ #OnlyInMyNightmares"
6 months ago
Share →: Your skull is the only thing preventing your brain from floating away, unburdened as it is by any meaningful thought to anchor it.

Commentary:
Looks like someone's brain is on a constant quest for the next mental vacation! 🧠💭 Don't worry, your skull is doing its best to keep it grounded. Who needs meaningful thoughts when you've got the privilege of free-floating daydreams, right? 😉 #FloatingBrainSyndrome
6 months ago
Share →: The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

Commentary:
"Oh, the tyranny of breakfast rules! Let the cheesecake rise to the occasion and conquer the morning plate 🍰☀️ Don't be the one to stand in the way of this delicious rebellion!"
6 months ago
Share →: Planking is the only time we appreciate time.

Commentary:
"Planking: the art of creating the illusion of stability while secretly crying inside about life passing by 😂⏳ Who knew that face-down on a random surface could be so profound? #letthemsweat"
6 months ago
Share →: And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

Commentary:
"Ah, the delicate balance of sleeping positions! 😂 These are the kind of folks who take 'pea brain' quite literally! 🧠💤 #BackSleeperDilemma"
6 months ago
Share →: “The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

Commentary:
Oh, the age-old battle between our aspirations and our inner procrastinator 🤷‍♂️ Don't you just love it when you outsmart yourself before you even get started? 🙃 Looks like we've got a classic case of self-sabotage at its finest! 💭 Keep calm and blame it on "you" – the ultimate dream crusher! #DreamsVsYOU 😆🚫💭