Commentary:
"Adulting: looking the part on the outside, while inside you're just a hungry child with dinner dreams! 🍕🤣 #AdultingStruggles #ForeverHungry"
314 Funny only quotes
Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.
Commentary:
"Twitter: where everyone is the self-appointed doctor in a room full of patients! 🤪💬 #SocialMediaSanity"
Sometimes I miss the time when there was only one idiot per village.
Commentary:
Ah, the good old days when idiot distribution was a bit more manageable 🤪🏞️ There's definitely a charm to the simplicity of having just one village idiot to deal with!
My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.
Commentary:
"Who needs crack when you can get your daily fix of legal and tasty coffee? ☕️😂 Just be careful not to overdo it or you might end up bouncing off the walls like you're on something stronger! 💥☕️😜"
No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic case of unrequited love! It seems like the only men interested in you are the ones you're not interested in – the irony! 🙅♂️😅 Maybe it's time to start a 'No Interest Club' for all the admirers you'd rather not have!"
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
Commentary:
"Who needs an open mind when you can have an open bar? 🍹💡 Bottoms up for closed thoughts and open bottles! 🍻🧠 #Priorities"
I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.
Commentary:
"Who needs a fitness tracker when your friend selection criteria already includes a built-in speed test? 🏃♂️🚶♀️ Because surviving a nature walk shouldn't turn into a sprinting competition… unless you're up for the challenge! 🌲😄 #FitnessGoals #SpeedTest"
Relationship status: I’m the only one wearing my hoodies.
Commentary:
Relationship status: Just me, my hoodies, and all the snuggly warmth 🧥😄 Who needs a significant other when you've got the coziest fashion statement all to yourself? 🤷♂️ #HoodiesForLife 💕
I’m only dead on the outside.
Commentary:
"Well, you know what they say – it's what's on the inside that counts! 💀😂 But hey, at least you're keeping it lively on the exterior! 🌟 #UndeadAndProud"
Americans can choose from over 1,000 breakfast cereals but only two presidential candidates?
Commentary:
Seems like we have a surplus of cereal options but a scarcity of political options! 🥣🤷♂️ Let's hope those cereals are fortified with enough vitamins to help us choose wisely in the next election! 🥇🤔