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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

The goal is never Gucci bags. It’s acres of land.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

The year I was born, getting a little far on that little scrolly thing.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

If you are sad, just sing and you will realize that your voice is worse than your problem.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

In Russia, the cold complains about you.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

What’s a beginner hobby for someone just getting into being happy?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,371

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

ROMO (relief of missing out)

Spotted on Messenger:

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Just shared via Twitch:

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

Trending via Threads:

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

Shared recently on Facebook:

The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

Going viral on Slack:

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.

Just landed via Instagram:

Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.

Going viral on Messenger:

“You’re so quiet.” Thanks, I’m not comfortable around you.

48 Funny priorities quotes

Funny priorities quotes 🤪 are like a mirror reflecting our quirkiest decisions and the hilariously skewed hierarchy of what really matters 📈. They capture the humor in our everyday chaos, making us chuckle at how laundry 🧺 can somehow be less urgent than binge-watching our favorite series 🍿. Whether it’s choosing between gym time and napping 💤 or the eternal struggle of diet vs. dessert 🍰, these quotes remind us to laugh at our own silly life choices!

New funny priorities quotes 👇

I used to really want to be understood. Now I mainly just want things like snacks and juice.

1 week ago

change, desire, humor, i, juice, just, priorities, snack, snacks, things, understanding, used, want
In your twenties, there may be love. It’s very important to ignore this love and pursue a master’s instead.

2 months ago

advice, degree, education, humor, ignore, ignore love, important, love, master’s degree, Masters, priorities, pursue, twenty
All I care about is being financially stable and getting sexier.

2 months ago

attractiveness, being, care, financial, financial stability, getting, humor, i, priorities, self-improvement, sexier, stability, stable
Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

2 months ago

account, aspiration, balance, being, difficulty, envy, expectations, financial, financial difficulty, financial envy, having, house, house shopping, houses, humor, humor about money, i, kitchen, lifestyle, luxury, me, million, money, priorities, property, sarcasm, shopping, unrealistic, unrealistic expectations, worth, zero
Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

2 months ago

attention, check, checking, friend, friends, humor, me, priorities, relationship, request, self, stop
My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

2 months ago

adulthood, best, buying, dinner, friend, house, humor, i, lifestyle, marriage, married, popcorn, priorities
Choosing to ignore my strangely symbolic dream because I have a lot going on right now already.

2 months ago

busy, choices, dream, going, i, ignore, life, lot, priorities, right, stress, symbolic
The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

2 months ago

aging, before, car, enjoyment, fun, getting, getting in, getting out, humor, life, priorities, sports, sports car, trick
Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

2 months ago

calm, losing, me, money, only, priorities, regret, rest, right, say, value
I’m stuck between “I need to save money” and “You only live once.”

2 months ago

balance, dilemma, humor, i, lifestyle, live, money, need, priorities, save, saving, spending

For even more funny priorities quotes, hit next 👇

All funny priorities quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

35 shares on YouTube this month:

I love when people say, “In college, I wrote a paper on…” as if that holds any academic merit.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

100 shares on TikTok this month:

Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

77 shares on Slack this month:

If you want to make your mother proud, make her my mother-in-law.

47 shares on YouTube this month:

That odd feeling when your lunch break is over and you still have to work for another 30 years.

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s so cold, I’m using Chrome instead of Firefox to read the news on my phone, because I need the ads to warm up my phone and hands.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The only love triangle I’m interested in is between me, my book, and my cozy blanket.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Flex on your kids by asking “are we there yet?” before they do.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Grandmas be like: Imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband and I were doing yard work, but I started a fight so I could storm off into the air conditioning.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,451

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

“Don’t shoot your gun at the hurricane” the government says. I’ll do my own research, thanks.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Do you know how much effort goes into looking this regular?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Someone needs to make an app for a Tamagotchi that you keep alive by going offline.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

I don’t even know what the Transformers are fighting about, to be honest.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

Did the people you had a crush on always like you back or are you funny?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

Seen just now on Threads:

This simulation is no longer boring, since they replaced management.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

Broadcasted on X:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I think I could actually generate electricity with how irritated I get sometimes.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I hate when I forget to say something during an argument. Like, hey, let’s argue again, I got better material now.

Just landed via X:

I’m the type of idiot to be loyal during the talking stage.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

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