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Looks like "speechless" comes with a warranty for unlimited words 🚫🗣️😆
1260 Funny sarcasm quotes
I hate to brag, but I’ve been the biggest mistake of numerous people’s lives.
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That’s one way to call yourself a life coach in reverse! 😂🔄
I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.
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Looks like my mirror is getting ready for the show of a lifetime! 😂😂🌟
People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.
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Sounds like they’ve got nothing to hide… except maybe streak marks on the windows! 😆🔍🏠
This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.
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Looks like he's auditioning for a role in the next Fast & Furious movie! 🚓🎬😂
I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.
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Living blissfully in my own bubble of confusion since forever 😂🤷♂️✨
Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?
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"Just once, I'd like the free gift to be something other than 'nature's marble'! 🥑🎁😅"
Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.
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Pretending to be genuine? I'm a pro at that — my Oscar's in the mail! 🎭😂
My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.
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Looks like I'm on a mission to make my brain and body equally well-rounded 🤣🤯🍩
Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.
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That level of commitment deserves a tick of approval… or maybe a sticky note reminder! 😂📋🖊️