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Living in the moment might be rent-free, but apparently not for long! 😂🏠🚪
1272 Funny sarcasm quotes
When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.
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If only those energy vampires could multitask, I'd have a six-pack by now! 😂🧛♀️💪
Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!
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Hannah's name game: double or nothing! 😂✨📚
If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.
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Trying the classic "turn it off and on again" even in life-or-death scenarios! 😂🔌✨
Daffodil totally sounds like an insult, you blooming daffodil.
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Just when I thought flowers couldn't throw shade, you come in with your petal-powered sass! 🌼😂
I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.
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That's the kind of free time I dream of—next stop, reviewing socks and dustpans! 😂🧺📦
70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.
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I'm trading my life preserver for a shovel because it's getting deep in here! 🤿🦺💩
I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.
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Always helpful to have a reminder not to reenact a scene from Thelma & Louise! 🚗💨🤣
I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.
Commentary:
Trying to compliment my life decisions is like giving myself a participation trophy for a dodgeball game I never showed up to 😂🏆
There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.
Commentary:
Who needs a diary when you can overshare online and get that sweet, sweet validation? 📓🤳😁