Commentary:
Leveling up my genius points, one blunder at a time! 😂🧠✨
1260 Funny sarcasm quotes
Processed food was literally designed for you to eat. Organic is just some crap they found on the ground somewhere.
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Who knew my grocery cart was a battlefield between science and scavenging 😂🥦🧪
I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.
Commentary:
Looks like I'm packing emotional baggage 🚚😅✈️
Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.
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Just when I thought I was getting romance, turns out it's vertigo! 🦋🤕😵
I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.
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No body heat issues when you're forever hot stuff! 🔥💀😎
“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.
Commentary:
Ah, the classic "I'm-totally-not-going-to-fall-for-this-oh-wait-here-I-go-again" move 🤦♂️🙈
The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.
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Finally an event I don't have to make excuses for missing! 🎉🙌
Moment of silence for those who received mugs that aren’t microwave- and dishwasher-safe.
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RIP to those fancy mugs that are now just fancy dust collectors ☕️🕯️✨
89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”
Commentary:
🚀😂 "When 'You look great!' becomes the new 'We're late!', fashionably running behind has never felt more glamorous! ⏰👠"
Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.
Commentary:
Someone's been chewing on idioms instead of their veggies! 😂🌿🥦