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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

You can learn a lot about a person by observing their every waking movement from a tree outside their house.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Please text me back. I’m about to start making stuff up in my head, and the stuff is all bad.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Spice up your meltdown through interpretive dance.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

I’m sorry your man wears his sunglasses on the back of his head.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2137 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,299

Funny Quotes Topics

15,022

Funny Quotes Images

12,299

Updated

2 minutes ago

Users Online

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

If you like constant interruptions when you’re trying to get something done, then parenting might be for you.

Spotted on Threads:

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Trending via TikTok:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?

Reported on Facebook:

Tweeting shouldn’t cost money but it should flip you on your back like a bug for 15 minutes.

Just shared via Reddit:

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Dry January is out. Sopping Wet February is in.

Making waves on Facebook:

You can make a salad without lettuce if you want, there are no rules.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I am grateful for my experiences. I just didn’t need them all.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

You’d think a philharmonic orchestra would have at least one harmonica, but nope.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2137 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,299

Funny Quotes Topics

15,022

Funny Quotes Images

12,299

Updated

2 minutes ago

Users Online

3,437

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Conflicts may arise but always remember to be the bitter person.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

In England “booster shot” is spelled “borchestershire shot”.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Hey, you should start your own business and then mind it.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

Just shared via Messenger:

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

Trending via Messenger:

Drive like no one is watching.

Going viral on Discord:

Hey boy, are you the sun? Because you were a big part of my life this summer but now I feel like I never see you.

Just landed via Telegram:

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

Just landed via Twitch:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Traffic is the fault of the guy immediately in front of you.

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