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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I don’t even get disappointed anymore. I’m just like, “Oh, again? Okay.”

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

“Winter is literally the best season.” Okay, husky, go sit outside then.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

People say “I would never,” then here they come nevering like they never nevered before.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,728

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

Trending via Reddit:

Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “Ughhh, make me longer!”

Trending via Pinterest:

Billion dollar technology idea: A printer that works.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

Seen just now on X:

Lack of sex really gets you mad at every little thing for no reason.

Trending via Reddit:

Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Being depressed is so embarrassing. It’s like, look at me, guys. I have nothing positive to say, and I make everything miserable.

Freshly posted on Discord:

The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

Spotted on Messenger:

Countries are just gangs with paperwork.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on WeChat this month:

Okay, fall, I see you showing a lil’ leg.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

80 shares on Instagram this month:

My taste in music ranges from “You’ve gotta listen to this” to “I know, please don’t judge me.”

38 shares on X this month:

Hey boy, are you my period? Because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly.

42 shares on X this month:

Silence is my favourite form of communication in the morning.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The baddest women come into your life when you have 37 dollars left.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

There are two quantities of popcorn: not enough and what have I done

86 shares on X this month:

Silicon Valley has taken over the world. Remember when nerds had the good manners to be ashamed of themselves?

32 shares on Twitch this month:

Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Hotel towels are always the worst. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a job ruined my life.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“It gets to a point” is one of my favourite phrases because it literally does get to a point sometimes.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

It was the becestershire of times, it was the worcestershire of times.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,582

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Don’t wait for later to eat the cake. Do it now, before another mammal of your household finds it.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

That made me feel good. I think I’ll become addicted.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

“Stop talking about old drama!” God forbid a girl and her bestie enjoy their history lessons.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Snakes don’t hiss anymore, they call you babe, bro, or friend.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Twitter is just a virtual mental hospital.

Just shared via X:

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

Making waves on Threads:

I would love to be the reason you look at your phone and smile. Then walk into a wall.

Shared recently on X:

Feeling lonely? Just glue a coffee cup to the roof of your car. Everyone will wave to you.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Folks, please have more respect for people with glasses. Because they pay money to see you.

Breaking via Slack:

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

Broadcasted on Reddit:

People who don’t have a dishwasher, where do they bang their shins?

Live now on Discord:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

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