26 funny table quotes - Wordgag ツ

A gentle reminder that if your birth year starts with a 19, you should consider wrapping the Christmas presents on a table, and not on the floor.

Feb 3, 2026

“The heart wants what the heart wants,” I whisper as I slowly walk up to the dessert table.

Feb 3, 2026

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Feb 2, 2026

My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

Feb 1, 2026

My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

Feb 1, 2026

Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

Jan 31, 2026

My favorite yoga pose is reaching for the remote control on the far end of the table without falling off the couch.

Jan 30, 2026

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

Jan 29, 2026

I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

Jan 29, 2026

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

Jan 28, 2026

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

Jan 23, 2026

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

Jan 23, 2026

The difference between the kids table and the adults table during holiday dinners is that there is much more screaming, crying, and arguing at the adults table.

Jan 23, 2026

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

Jan 22, 2026

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

Jan 22, 2026

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

Jan 22, 2026

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

Jan 22, 2026

I like waiters. They bring a lot to the table.

Jan 22, 2026

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Jan 21, 2026

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Jan 21, 2026

Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

Jan 20, 2026

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

Jan 20, 2026

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

Jan 19, 2026

Either the tables are going to turn, or I’m going to flip them.

Jan 18, 2026

Men invented pool tables so they could watch each other bend over.

Jan 18, 2026

Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

Jan 18, 2026