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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Human hibernation should be a thing.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Newborns cry because they’re being evicted.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

“I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Parenthood is so crazy. We’re really out here getting bullied by the people we made.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Women do not snore. The sound they make at night is just the rewinding of the vocal cords.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Remember when Mustangs were muscle cars and not an embarrassment to the name.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,618

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Trending via YouTube:

Three serious exes is the right amount before you meet your spouse. You need one truly evil one, one normal one, and one situationship, and then you’ve basically experienced all dating has to offer.

Spotted on Discord:

All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Live now on Discord:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Going bananas on Messenger:

My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

Trending via Reddit:

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The world needs to chill out. There’s no way future history teachers can cram all this nonsense into a semester.

Funny tool quotes

Funny tool quotes 🛠️ never fail to bring a smile 😄 whether you’re a DIY newbie or a seasoned pro. From wrenches to hammers, these witty sayings add a spark ⚡️ to any toolbox or workshop. Get ready to laugh out loud 😂 and find the perfect line to share with your fellow tool lovers! 🔧✨

New funny tool quotes 👇

All funny tool quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Slack this month:

The only time you should be faking it is when your pet checks to see if you’re awake.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

74 shares on Threads this month:

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve been a main character since birth.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

Making things weird is probably the only thing I’m good at.

39 shares on Discord this month:

She’s a 10, but she says ‘Orwellian’ when it’s clearly ‘Kafkaesque”.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

If you think Dry January is hard, wait until you try Abstinence August.

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

27 shares on X this month:

The only ex I cheated on is my exam.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Being a reader means voluntarily signing up for fictional heartbreak, and then recommending the pain to others.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Shout-out to the lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my Speedo.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Big fan of calling artists their first name and then the band name as their last name.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red. Bumble bees buzz. This rhyme doesn’t rhyme. No, wait, yes it does.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I just want someone who will treat me like a lady and hold the refrigerator door open for me.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

British people be like “I’m Bri ish” cause they drank the “T”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

An introvert walked into a bar. Just kidding. The introvert stayed home.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,320

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Going out with 38% battery and no boyfriend.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Every day, I’m gaslit into oblivion by beautiful women, and then I go to sleep.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Commenting “This could be us” on her pics with her boyfriend.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

Most men will receive their first bunch of flowers at their funeral.

Trending via Facebook:

I’m one group chat away from vanishing into the woods to befriend forest creatures.

Making waves on Facebook:

The worst part of coming out of a hyperfixation is sobering up and looking at all the merch you bought that you didn’t need.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Establish dominance by showing up with all your childhood trophies.

Just landed via Messenger:

My brain has too many tabs open and one of them is playing music I can’t find.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Breaking via Reddit:

A little friendly reminder that if somebody looks tired, you really don’t have to tell them.

Live now on WhatsApp:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

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