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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

The Frankfurt School?? What are you majoring in, hot dog?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Are you the one with commitment issues or the one with low self-worth?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

As you get older you become all of the seven dwarfs.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

I used to be cool and now I say things like “It’s so loud in here, I can’t hear myself think”.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

40 minutes ago

3,448

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Messenger:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

Spotted on Telegram:

“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Couldn’t afford a man cave. Had to settle for a gazebro.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

Just shared via Instagram:

Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

Making waves on X:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

Making waves on Slack:

Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

Breaking via Discord:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Fun Fact: Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

Home » Funny Tweets Quotes

Funny Tweets quotes

Funny Tweets quotes are the perfect way to brighten your day with a burst of laughter 😂✨ Whether you need a quick mood boost or some clever wit to share, these gems bring humor straight from the Twitterverse 🐦💬. Get ready to chuckle, snort, and maybe even LOL out loud as you dive into a world where sarcasm meets creativity in 280 characters or less! 🎉🤣 #LaughOutLoud

New funny Tweets quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

Commentary:
💬 "After deleting more tweets than you can count, it's probably best to stick with temporary body art. Who needs a permanent reminder of their questionable choices, right? 😅💉 #TattooRegrets"
6 months ago
Share →: “I read 20 books this year!” That’s nothing. I read 50,000 tweets.

Commentary:
"Oh, reading 20 books, huh? That’s cute. Try keeping up with my 50,000 tweets marathon! 📚🤳 Who needs novels when you have Twitter for instant literary gratification? 🐦😂"
6 months ago
Share →: Twitter sucks so much, but randomly there are such funny tweets, so I wait, like a frog, for one delicious fly.

Commentary:
"Twitter is like a swamp. 🐸 You wade through the muck, dodging toxic tweets left and right. But once in a while, a gem surfaces like a delicious fly, and you strike with the speed of a hungry frog! 🦟✨ #TweetTreats"
6 months ago
Share →: Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Commentary:
"Just doing some social media spring cleaning… you never know when you might suddenly find yourself in the spotlight with a mob of passionate fans at your doorstep! 🧹📱 Better to be safe than sorry, right? 😅 #DeletedTweets #FamousLoveLife"
6 months ago
Share →: I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.

Commentary:
Ah, yes! The modern female calendar: tweet volume peaks at certain hormonal vortexes, alarming friends and baffling enemies alike 📆📱🚨 #EmotionallyUnstableSocialMediaCEO

For even more funny Tweets quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny Tweets quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

40 minutes ago

3,424

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Grandmas be like: Imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

I get so embarrassed for no reason after posting on social media. Like, why am I showing my life?

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Nothing worse than when I turn up to Park Run to find it is indeed going ahead.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Being an adult is a little out of my price range right now.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

I don’t know if I’m still tired or already tired.

Freshly posted on X:

Watched Titanic for the 14th time. Still sobbing. Still yelling, “SCOOT OVER, COW!” like it’ll change the ending.

Seen just now on Discord:

I’m tired of things costing money.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’m sorry your man wears his sunglasses on the back of his head.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Ears are great for tucking your hair behind in the wind. Big shout out to ears.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

When I’m president, everyone who listens to techno, house or rap will be allowed to drive a little faster than others.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Time needs a speed limit.

Making waves on Threads:

Oh you won a gold medal at the Olympics? My watch just congratulated me for standing up.

Spotted on WeChat:

The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Grandmas be like: Imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings.

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