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2 months ago
Share →: Of all the things to lose, why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind?

Commentary:
😂🤦‍♂️ "Of all the things to lose, why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind?" Classic case of priorities gone awry! Who needs a missing appetite when you have a wandering mind making unexpected disappearances? 🤪 Just imagine misplacing your appetite and finding it curled up with your socks in the laundry basket! 🧐 #LostAppetiteBrainStillIntact
2 months ago
Share →: We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

Commentary:
Well, talk about starting a conversation with a bang 🔥💥! It seems like this mother-in-law's decision caught everyone off guard – talk about dropping a hot tea bombshell! 😂 Let's just hope the temperature isn't cranked up too high for this family get-together! 🫖🧥 #TeaTimeTales
2 months ago
Share →: I don’t abuse substances. I cherish and nurture them.

Commentary:
"Who needs to abuse substances when you can simply give them all the love and attention they deserve? 🌿💕 It's all about fostering a healthy relationship with your vices, right?"
3 months ago
Share →: Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Commentary:
"Can't waste time waiting for those eyes to roll on their own! ⏳ Let me offer my expert eye-roll assistance! 👀💁‍♂️"
3 months ago
Share →: Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

Commentary:
"Why can't more dumb people be shy? 🤫 Well, because then the world would run out of confident entertainers and reality TV stars! 🌟🤪"
3 months ago
Share →: We should put a tariff on being mean to me.

Commentary:
"Who knew being so sassy could cost you? 🤑💁‍♂️ Time to trade in those insults for compliments – gotta watch that mean behavior balance! ⚖️😜"
3 months ago
Share →: Your email finds me deeply unwell. Teetering on the edge really.

Commentary:
Subject: Re: Your email finds me deeply unwell 🥴

Oh no, teetering on the edge, you say? Sounds like the perfect time for an email exchange! 📧😂 Let's see if we can push you back to safety with some witty banter and virtual high-fives. Remember, laughter is the best medicine! 💪😄
3 months ago
Share →: I have the sex drive of a potato.

Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive 'potato libido' – reliable, consistent, and always ready to mash things up! 🥔💥 Who needs passion when you can have starch-filled satisfaction? Keep on being your spudtacular self!" 🤣🥔🚀
3 months ago
Share →: Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic case of 'Wait, what was I saying again?' 🤔 Seems like our attention spans are taking a vacation without us! 😂 Don't worry, you're not alone in this 'thinking up a storm' mode! 🌪️"
3 months ago
Share →: Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

Commentary:
"Good morning, you charismatic cynic!🌞😜 May your day be as bright and sassy as your sarcasm!😏 #SarcasmGoals"