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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 6288 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

17,813 funny quotes topics

Updated: May 23, 2026

 

 

 

 

228 Funny wit quotes

Funny wit quotes celebrate the sharp, clever humor that hits you right between the eyes — and makes you laugh while you’re at it! 😏💡 From quick comebacks to brainy banter, these quotes are proof that a witty mind is the ultimate comedy weapon. Get ready for some smart laughs with serious style! 😂🧠🎯

I put the mess in domestic.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I had a dream about you. You were stupid there, too.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I’m homeless. Minus the ‘m’.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Yes, I know there is a really special place in hell for me. It’s called a throne.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

Posted onMay 20, 2026

The quickest way to double your money is to hold it in front of a mirror.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

He who laughs last didn’t get it.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

The only joke my mom ever made was me.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

If she replies to your sarcasm with more sarcasm, that’s a whole life.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

If you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

Posted onMay 20, 2026

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

Posted onMay 20, 2026

If you can’t wow them with wisdom, baffle them with bullshit.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Great minds think alike. Unfortunately, so do stupid ones.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

I speak my mind, cause it hurts when I bite my tongue.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

Posted onMay 19, 2026

I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Do not estimate me.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

There’s a certain nothing about you.

Posted onApr 2, 2026

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