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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

17,824 funny quotes topics

Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

228 Funny wit quotes

Funny wit quotes celebrate the sharp, clever humor that hits you right between the eyes — and makes you laugh while you’re at it! 😏💡 From quick comebacks to brainy banter, these quotes are proof that a witty mind is the ultimate comedy weapon. Get ready for some smart laughs with serious style! 😂🧠🎯

I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Someone told me I wasn’t thinking clearly, as if that’s even an option.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Whoever told you there’s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

Posted onMay 27, 2026

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

Posted onMay 26, 2026

It’s been a pleasure miscommunicating with you.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

My favorite hobby is withering away.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

The clitoris has 8,000 nerves, if you gonna get on my nerves, get on one of those.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

“You like talking to yourself?” God forbid I seek advice from an expert.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Maybe the reason you haven’t found your soulmate is because you don’t have a soul.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Not many things sadder than an untickled fancy.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

I think something is so beautifully wrong with you.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

Posted onMay 26, 2026

I don’t abuse substances. I cherish and nurture them.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

Posted onMay 26, 2026

We should put a tariff on being mean to me.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Your email finds me deeply unwell. Teetering on the edge really.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

I have the sex drive of a potato.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

I’m addicted to placebos.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I don’t have a nervous system, I am a nervous system.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

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