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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 6454 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: May 23, 2026

 

 

 

 

228 Funny wit quotes

Funny wit quotes celebrate the sharp, clever humor that hits you right between the eyes — and makes you laugh while you’re at it! 😏💡 From quick comebacks to brainy banter, these quotes are proof that a witty mind is the ultimate comedy weapon. Get ready for some smart laughs with serious style! 😂🧠🎯

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

Stop using ChatGPT. I can feed you misinformation too and I’m also beautiful and funny sometimes.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

And is your “sparkling personality” in the room with us now?

Posted onMar 28, 2026

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

So you like bad boys? Cause I’m bad at everything.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

Yes, I’m full of microplastics, but it’s actually been helpful. It’s given me superpowers. I can communicate with Tupperware.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

Overthinking should at least burn calories.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

Please hesitate to get in touch with me.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

I’m shocked it offended you, I was certain someone was gonna need to explain it to you.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

Posted onMar 28, 2026

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

I have a yearning disability.

Posted onMar 27, 2026

You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think of me.

Posted onMar 27, 2026

You don’t scare me. You’re not a parking garage that I can’t figure out how to get out of.

Posted onMar 27, 2026

I am half agony, half hope.

Posted onMar 27, 2026

They invented the word metallic, because irony was already taken.

Posted onMar 27, 2026

“You’re under the weather?” We all are, idiot. It’s in the sky.

Posted onMar 27, 2026

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

Posted onMar 27, 2026

What is rizz if not swag persevering?!

Posted onMar 27, 2026

Whoever came up with the name wallpaper really nailed it.

Posted onMar 27, 2026

I’m here by unpopular demand.

Posted onMar 27, 2026

If I’m ever the problem, you’re the reason.

Posted onMar 27, 2026

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