228 funny wit quotes - Page 3 - Wordgag

There’s a certain nothing about you.

Apr 2, 2026

That’s just brainslop. You only came up with that by thinking.

Apr 1, 2026

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

Apr 1, 2026

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

Apr 1, 2026

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

Mar 31, 2026

If you respond to my sarcasm with better sarcasm, then I might just catch feelings.

Mar 31, 2026

I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.

Mar 31, 2026

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

Mar 31, 2026

I wanna marry someone funnier than me, but sadly, I am the funniest.

Mar 31, 2026

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Mar 31, 2026

Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

Mar 31, 2026

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

Mar 31, 2026

Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

Mar 30, 2026

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok.” Well, I just made some shit up, and people believe me because I’m well read and use big words.

Mar 30, 2026

Animals are 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Mar 30, 2026

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Mar 30, 2026

I’m not easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.

Mar 30, 2026

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

Mar 30, 2026

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

Mar 30, 2026

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

Mar 30, 2026

I love hard, but I stupid harder.

Mar 30, 2026

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

Mar 30, 2026

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

Mar 30, 2026

Can we get some A.I. to pick plastic out of the ocean, or do all the robots need to be poets?

Mar 30, 2026

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

Mar 30, 2026

I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

Mar 30, 2026

Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

Mar 30, 2026

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

Mar 30, 2026

Opening up is like talking to a cop: anything you say can and will be used against you.

Mar 30, 2026

If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

Mar 30, 2026

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I’ve sacrificed a sheep.

Mar 30, 2026

Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

Mar 30, 2026

If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

Mar 30, 2026

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Mar 30, 2026

Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

Mar 30, 2026

I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

Mar 30, 2026

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

Mar 30, 2026

Someone told me I wasn’t thinking clearly, as if that’s even an option.

Mar 30, 2026

If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

Mar 30, 2026

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

Mar 30, 2026