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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

I can see the appeal of golf, the only sport where the winner is the one who does the least.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Just a reminder that with Die Hard, Robin Hood and Love Actually, ‘Alan Rickman ruins Christmas’ is a whole movie subgenre.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,953

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,953

47 minutes ago

3,419

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

Just landed via TikTok:

I wish more dumb people were shy.

Trending via X:

My brain is 80% song lyrics.

Trending via Instagram:

Can hardly wait until my winter fat turns into spring rolls.

Just shared via Reddit:

Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

Shared recently on TikTok:

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

Spotted on Threads:

I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Don’t ever let your computer feel that you’re in a hurry, cause they’re gonna slow down more.

Going viral on Discord:

Pinterest recipe so long that it’s now a limited series on Netflix.

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

6 months ago

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, it was either "cockpit" or "bird's-eye seat" 🤷‍♂️ I guess the idea of being perched up high like a cool pilot won out over the alternative of feeling like a confused pigeon 🐦✈️ Sometimes, all it takes is a good old-fashioned game of "Eeny, meeny, miny, moe" to make these monumental decisions!

aviation, choices, cockpit, context, decide, decision, humor

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,953

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,953

47 minutes ago

3,420

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later on.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Once I find a dragon, y’all are toast.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

Just shared via Facebook:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

Going viral on TikTok:

It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Why are poets thinking that they are the ones tortured and not those who read their poetry?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

How are they running out of oxygen if they’re breathing it right back into the submarine?

Just shared via YouTube:

It should be socially acceptable to just face the wall at a party when you need a break from talking.

Trending via Messenger:

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

Trending via Snapchat:

Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.

Trending via Slack:

All these microplastics in me could at least do some repair work to my knees and back while they’re in there.

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