I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

My name is Bob but my friends don’t call me.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

The only thing we need to bring back is duels.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Folks, please have more respect for people with glasses. Because they pay money to see you.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

It’s so hot to me when a man has a poorly run Instagram account.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.