Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

My ex was like “I know a spot,” then took me to the lowest point in my life.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

God doesn’t do nearly enough smiting anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

The hardest thing about chess is the other guy is always doing some shit.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

I only use ‘sir’ disrespectfully.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I’m not saying it’s been a while, I’m just saying I completely blanked on the name of my gym.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,234

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

Just shared via Twitch:

One day you said w00t for the last time, and didn’t even realize.

Live now on Reddit:

People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I was gonna brush up against you like a cat, but whatever, bro.

Live now on YouTube:

They should invent a day where I don’t think.

Spotted on Twitch:

Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

Breaking via Messenger:

This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

Going viral on Twitch:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Just landed via Telegram:

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like this husband might need a crash course in reading between the silent treatment lines! 🤐🙈😂 #CommunicationBreakdown

awareness, communication, even, humor, husband, i, relationship, silence, talking, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

0

2 months ago

another, contradiction, humor, irony, me, nightmare, peace, personality, self, worst
I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

0

5 months ago

admire, awkward, awkward tan line, forever, heal, healing, humor, i, line, lines, patience, skin, summer, tan, tan line, time, wound, wounds
Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

0

2 months ago

both, commentary, comparison, criticism, grave, group, humor, mass, mass grave, offensive, people, social, social commentary, stereotype, stereotypes, together
Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

0

1 month ago

8, America, being, capitalism, coffee, consumerism, contradiction, failed, irony, kid, media, only, oppression, phone, post, shoe, social, social media, wealth, wear
All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

0

2 months ago

big, burger, fast, fast food, food, height, humor, opinion, restaurant, saying, should, taller, width
I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

0

2 months ago

distraction, doing, doing well, email, humor, me, productivity, unexpected, well

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Reddit this month:

When they have a dream sequence in a movie, how do they film the person’s dream?

77 shares on Slack this month:

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

29 shares on Telegram this month:

The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

35 shares on X this month:

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

64 shares on Slack this month:

I wonder if the scariest moment ever in history has happened yet.

96 shares on Facebook this month:

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

22 shares on Slack this month:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

81 shares on Slack this month:

I wish men had sluttier outfit options. Because why am I in a mini skirt, and you’re in a quarter zip?

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

83 shares on X this month:

It was a complicated 17-hour surgery, but they finally managed to separate the art from the artist.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

I’m off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Relationship tip: Make sure you’re the crazy one.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Does everyone have that one colleague at work who puts you in a bad mood just by looking at them?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

There are 400 billion stars in our galaxy and perhaps two trillion galaxies in total, and I just wonder if Miss Universe fully understands her achievement.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

If you want to feel really bad about yourself, just start dating.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

When exactly does wisdom kick in? I feel like I’m just getting older.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

Just shared via YouTube:

You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax, and rich people can go to jail.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 4 days until Christmas.

Shared recently on X:

I am writing a book about reverse psychology. Please don’t buy it.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Welcome to your 40s… you can now use this as an excuse not to help a friend move.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

Seen just now on Reddit:

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

Spotted on Reddit:

We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨