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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

If you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Spending the day with my mom and her mom, just observing the patterns.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

My therapist said I should face my fears. So I turned my phone back on.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Sorry, can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2268 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,430

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,430

Updated

2 hours ago

Users Online

3,450

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

I hate checking my bank account after having a good time.

Going viral on TikTok:

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

Live now on Discord:

Hey there, Delilah, we know you broke that dude’s heart.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

Reported on Reddit:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

Making waves on Slack:

I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.

Just shared via WeChat:

Don’t ever let your computer feel that you’re in a hurry, cause they’re gonna slow down more.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

Just shared via Discord:

Dear Santa, Money!

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

Jan 22, 2025

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like this husband might need a crash course in reading between the silent treatment lines! 🤐🙈😂 #CommunicationBreakdown

awareness, communication, even, humor, husband, i, relationship, silence, talking, think

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

I’m at the age where I can remember things that never happened.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

My favorite thing to do is nothing.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Do you ever stress about money, then accidentally order from Amazon?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Coding: Where incessantly talking to yourself seems completely normal and debugging is like being a detective in a movie where you are both the detective and the perpetrator.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

I want my boyfriend to be so hot strangers know he’s not funny.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

Spreading quickly via X:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

Shared recently on X:

Grok, is this true? Grok, am I original? Grok, am I the only one? Grok, am I sexual?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it.

Reported on YouTube:

Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Life is weird and then you die.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

Just landed via Facebook:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

Spotted on Snapchat:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Men used to go to war, now they want to be the little spoon.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Wow, this is a really nice, sturdy box. I should keep it in the attic for the next 20 years.

If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Nighty night! Don’t let the horror of existence bite.

“What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

Why are so many people going everywhere whenever I have to go anywhere?

It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

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I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

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