Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

63 shares on Instagram this month:

I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)

74 shares on YouTube this month:

Having a low-quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

Whoever came up with the name “dentures” really missed the opportunity to call them “substitooths”.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

Beautiful women named Severe Thunderstorm Warning are blowing up my phone.

87 shares on Slack this month:

I find it extremely hard to believe that you’re rolling on the floor laughing.

69 shares on Slack this month:

Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.

82 shares on Instagram this month:

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.