SHEBOYGAN—In a bold move to combat daily self-esteem issues, local man Tom Hammel has removed all mirrors from his home. “Why subject myself to daily disappointment?” said Hammel, noting that his reflection often revealed a rogue tuft of hair that simply refused to cooperate.
Sources say Hammel’s sudden disdain for reflective surfaces came after a particularly humbling incident involving a rearview mirror and a piece of spinach caught in his teeth. “That was the last straw,” he stated. “Now, my home is more zen, and I’m practicing self-acceptance one sightless glance at a time.”
Not stopping at mirrors, Hammel has reportedly also gotten rid of polished metal and shiny countertops. “This strategy is foolproof,” he laughed. “I may accidentally dress like a human kaleidoscope each morning, but at least I won’t know it!”