My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

47 shares on Slack this month:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

By the way, if you don’t buy anything on Black Friday, you can save up to 100%.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hiking in your 40s is a great way to meet new people. Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist, and nearly met Jesus.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

Men used to go to war, now they want to be the little spoon.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

92 shares on Threads this month:

I would like to be reincarnated as less tired.

58 shares on Reddit this month:

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.