SCRANTON—In a stunning revelation, public pools nationwide have come to the defense of their often-overlooked bathrooms. “We have a proud tradition of providing a space for those few who remember to change clothes,” remarked pool manager Linda Sparks. “Plus, where else would Marco Polo enthusiasts meet in secret?”

The situation has escalated, with local swimmers bemused by accusations of bathrooms being decorative. “I always thought they were art installations,” confessed pool visitor Carl Jenkins. “I only visit to gaze at the tiles and wonder what they’re not afraid of.”

In response, a coalition of pool bathrooms issued an official statement of purpose. “We exist not just for practical use but for existential reassurance,” they stated. “We stand as monuments to humankind’s eternal quest to avoid awkwardly asking, ‘Do I really have to get out of the pool?'”