Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

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Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

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If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

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Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

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I’m nearly qualified to be a weaver. My final exam is looming.

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Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.

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I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

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Refusing to attend my brother’s gambling intervention until they agree to call it a slot shaming.

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People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

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Remember, when a package says “sharing size”, that’s just a guideline. They have no enforcement mechanism.

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People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.